what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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