Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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