weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
