It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
