haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
