Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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