Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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