it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
