I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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