You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
