The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He passed out mid-signature
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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