Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
