do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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