So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's never too late to be topless.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
