just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
