His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
