I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
