My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
