so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
