Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
