dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
NoShamevember. You game?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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