I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
