We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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