I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
