would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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