Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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