Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Welp...herpes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
