we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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