I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
