She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
