fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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