I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
