I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
