you turned your livingroom into a bong?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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