he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Randomize
