Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we're making bets on your personal life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
