he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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