I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
