She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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