with your own penis?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
