If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
