I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
