I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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