shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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