My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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