You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
