Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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