Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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