Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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