(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The ass gains better be worth it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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