it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
