DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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